The Flip-Out Rule in Journaling

“I don’t want to face that again. It feels like too much.”

Many of my clients have experienced tremendous grief or trauma in their lives, and as we seek God together through our writing back and forth, there is often a pressure they are feeling—whether from themselves or family members or friends—to use journaling to write about their deepest wounds.

And friend, you already know I believe in the power of journaling. It is a great practice that can help us process difficult experiences and emotions and be more aware of how God is moving in our lives.

And yet… we do have to use some wisdom in what we write about. We have to pay attention to how our journaling is impacting us.

Because there are times when you might fear that journaling about a specific experience will be too much, that it will bring back memories or feelings that you have no desire to re-live. What do you do in that situation?

Today, I want to teach you about the Flip-Out Rule and what it means for both your journaling practice and your journey of healing. I think it will be a great guideline as you discern what you should—and should not—write about. Are you ready?

A Fear When Writing About Painful Experiences

Journaling is often offered as a tremendous tool to help people find healing from past hurt and trauma. Not only does it help you process that situation, but it can also help the immune system function more effectively, it can improve physical symptoms of things like arthritis and asthma, it can lead the way to better sleep and lower blood pressure.

And even though in the hours immediately after writing about a difficult experience someone might feel sad or weepy, the long-term effect actually brings about a more positive change in emotions. People feel happier and less negative, and they don’t struggle with general anxiety quite so much.

But there is this very real fear that many of us have when writing about painful memories. We don’t want to re-live it; it hurt quite enough the first time, thank you. Or maybe it brings up feelings of shame or guilt or betrayal.

And so we shy away from this type of journaling altogether.

So which is it? Do we write about these painful experiences or do we ignore them altogether? The research shows it is helpful, but it just feels so hard!

James Pennebaker’s Flip-Out Rule

That’s where I want to introduce you to the Flip-Out Rule.

In his book, Expressive Writing, James Pennebaker shares about his Flip-Out Rule. He writes, “It’s very simple: If you feel you will get too upset when you write about a particular topic, don’t write about it.”

He expands on this idea in a later chapter, saying, “If you feel that writing about a particular topic is too much for you to handle, then do not write about it. If you know that you aren’t ready to address a particularly painful topic, then write about something else. When you are ready, then tackle the other topic. If you find that you will flip out by writing, don’t write.”

The truth is, we cannot approach something this traumatic or hurtful without being in a somewhat healthful state already. We need to have some time behind us. We need to have done some of the work already, most likely with a counselor, coach, or therapist.

It’s like expecting a child to go straight from crawling to running—without learning how to walk in between. Or like being someone who doesn’t take walks at all to running a marathon the next week. It just doesn’t make sense.

But for some reason, a lot of us feel pressure to dive into the hardest stuff first. We feel like we have to face it, and we have to face it right now. Or we get the idea into our minds that we’re afraid, or we’re weak, or we’re in denial if we don’t write about it.

And my friend, that simply isn’t true.

God knows how much we can bear. In fact, in John chapter 16, Jesus is talking with the disciples, preparing them for what’s to come and speaking to them of the Holy Spirit, and He says to them in verse 12: “There is so much more I want to tell you, but you can’t bear it now.”

Isn’t that so compassionate of our Lord? He knows what we can handle, and He is willing to lead us gently, giving us what we need at the time and carrying the rest for us until we’re ready.

As one of my clients recently shared, “God knows how much my body and soul can take at a time, and how often. I can trust Him to lead me to remember at the right time and in the right place.”

And the same is true of you, my friend. God knows how much you can bear right now. You can trust Him to lead you.

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What This Looks Like in Journal Gently

So what does this Flip-Out Rule look like in my Journal Gently program? It comes out in a few different ways, but mainly, it’s in the idea that you choose the writing topic.

A lot of women want to dive right into their most hurtful or traumatic experience. I often try to remind them they don’t have to.

Because, my friend, we can actually find a lot of healing even if we never write directly about the experience that caused the grief or trauma in the first place.

Our experiences impact so much of our lives: our emotions, our thoughts, our bodies, our decisions, our schedules. So when we write about what feels like an ordinary, everyday situation, or when we write about a so-called “less painful” situation, that can help bring healing, too.

Trust the Holy Spirit to guide you in this. Remember back to John 16. Jesus said, “There is so much more I want to tell you, but you can’t bear it now.” And then He tells us, “When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth.”

So trust Him to guide you. Trust that check in your spirit that says you’re not ready to write about that experience yet. Honor the sensations in your body that tell you it’s too much right now, you’re not ready.

And, really, here’s the big lesson: Learn to distinguish if it is the Spirit guiding you to wait or if it’s fear preventing you from getting the healing you’re desperate for.

Because there will likely be a time when the Holy Spirit invites you to step into that place. And you will be ready. You’ll have done the hard work to prepare and forgive and move forward. Trust that when God leads you there, He’ll be there to support you and care for you. And you don’t have to be afraid.

Journal Prompt: How can you discern if it’s the Spirit or fear?

And that leads us right into our journal prompt for this week: How can you discern if it’s the Spirit inviting you to wait or if it’s fear holding you back?

It might help to think back through situations where fear has held you captive, though of course, we don’t need to recall anything too traumatic here. Rather, think through relationships or jobs or school situations where fear caused you to freeze or not speak up or not take a chance.

And then think through situations where you have felt that leading from the Holy Spirit. What did that feel like? How did He guide you? How did you know it was Him?

Then, as you learn to discern these two motivations, you’ll be better able to follow His leading in your journaling practice, even as it relates to what to write about—or not.

Using this Flip-Out Rule is a great general guideline when it comes to your journaling practice, especially if you are journaling with the purpose of working through past hurt and trauma. Extend grace to yourself. Don’t rush. Take gentle steps. He’ll lead you there when you’re ready.

Upcoming Journal Gently Mini Workshop

Now, if you have been eyeing the Journal Gently program but you’re just not quite sure yet—or even if you’ve gone through it already and want additional support and training—then I’d love to invite you to join me next Tuesday, February 13, 2024, for my Journal Gently Mini Workshop.

We’re going to be taking just one small piece of the program and expanding it as our focus for our time together. Specifically, we’re going to look at the role perspective can play both in our journaling and in our healing.

The deadline to register is this Saturday, February 10. To sign up, go to lovedoesthat.org/jgworkshop (this event already took place).

A Prayer:

God, there are a lot of times we feel pressure—from ourselves and from those around us—to do something that we are not quite comfortable with. And today, we ask for Your help in discerning whether that is coming from you or if it is fear trying to get in our way. Give us wisdom. Give us grace. And help us continue taking steps toward freedom and healing, which we know can only be found in You. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.

RELATED EPISODES + RESOURCES:

• Journal Gently Mini Workshop: http://lovedoesthat.org/jgworkshop (this event already took place)
• John 16:12-13 (NLT): “There is so much more I want to tell you, but you can’t bear it now. When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth.”
• Bonus Episode 15: I Will Not Be Afraid

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